my own worst enemy

I have been slacking off hard on pretty much all aspects of my life recently and it's really frustrating. Ever since grade school I have found ways to avoid doing the things I should and need to be doing. It's amazing that I went K-12 with the reputation of the Smart One considering my GPA started doing landslides in 7th grade (my first C was in sewing class of all places). I masked those academic shortcomings by being really involved in student government, the school paper, and sports. Little known fact: my second semester of sophomore year in high school I "successfully" pulled off a report card with all letter grades represented, W included. I managed to snap out of it slightly for two years in community college so I could trick the admissions officers at UCLA into letting me in, but once I arrived it as back to the same old routine. Lots of late papers, lots of late night studying cram sessions at Powell, etc.

In school, the consequences of slacking off aren't that severe. You might screw your chances of landing a job at Google(who require a 3.0 GPA from college) or maybe not getting into the top tier graduate school, but it isn't the end of the world.

I have found myself in the "real world" working a "real job" now. It's strange, but it's where everyone ends up eventually after 16-20 years of being pent up in an educational institution. Here in the "real world" I can't get away with what I used to. I can't turn in a project late at work or fall behind on rent payments. Doing so will get me fired or evicted. Now I'm not remotely close to either, but I definitely haven't been pushing myself and to me that's frustrating.

I could be a superstar at work, but instead I'm just coasting by and sometimes fall a little behind. I could be in the best shape of my life, but I find myself opting to sit in front of the computer and chat online than going out for that evening run. I could be a cooking master, but I eat out instead. I could be learning a million things from the piles of unread books I've accumulated, but I end up flipping through the latest issue of Domino Magazine that's just arrived in the mail.

If I sound severely unhappy with where my life is I'm not, I'm actually really happy with my life. I'm just frustrated with my current underachieving state. I know what I'm capable of doing and that the possibilities is endless. I just need to step it up. They say the first step is always the hardest one.

And on that note, I'm going to go power through the pile of work that's decomposing on my desk. No time like the present, right?